mom: did you take the dog out?
me: yeah i just did
mom: really?! when? while I was in the bathroom? that fast?
me: yes
mom: you mean me and Peter were peeing at the same time? WOO HOO! Go us! High five, Peter.

"nanana I wanna be sedated. Can I be sedated?"

mom: what is your favorite activity?
me: sleeping
mom: sleeping isn't an activity...well maybe it is since I lose half a pound every time I sleep.

me: can you drive me to school?
mom: ugh yeah just make sure you eat breakfast because it's really cold outside... wait. That doesn't make sense

mom: that's...fugly
me: oh my god, did you just say fugly!?!
mom: haha yeah I meant to say "feo" and "ugly"
me: LOL
mom: what's so funny? does fugly mean something?