we're gonna find the birds with dead syndrome

oh my god it's a circle? OH NO I HATE CIRCLES!! I HATE CIRCLES!

I'm very well educated on vaginas

mom: Don't curse, it doesn't make you cool
me: I'm not trying to be cool
mom: then what? Fresh?

Jen: Mom! He's a dog!

Mom: No! Es un perro!

me: I'm congested
mom: Oh I know what to do. You boil water and put salt in there and then inhale the fumes.
me: did you make that up?
mom: NO! I read it on the internet. I'm an internet woman.

Me: Yeah, ok, but then what?

Mom: Then they went to West Windsor and had babies like diarrhea.